music is the heartbeat of my soul

Compositions

10.09.2004

i'm sick of shifting from one personality to the next just to fit what people expect me to be. i can hardly recognize my own reflection because i've been wearing masks for so long. pretention has become an art that's second nature with me; it has become my weapon for survival. i may give you the impression that i'm secure and confident but i beg you, do not believe me.my mask may seem smooth yet beneath it dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness. but then again, i hide all these, i panic at the thought of being exposed. i painstakingly erect these barriers to shield me from your glance, even if your glance could be my only salvation. i know it in my heart, if it is followed by acceptance, if it is followed by love. but i don't dare try to let you see the real me for i am afraid that your glance will not be followed by acceptance and love. i am afraid that your glance will be followed by rejection and that you will laugh and your laugh will kill me. i'm afraid that deep down i am nothing, that i'm just no good, and you will see this and reject me. so i play my game, my desperate pretending game; with a facade of assurance with out, a trembling child with in.

please listen carefully and try to hear what i'm not saying, what i'd like to be able to say. try to disregard my surface talk for they mean nothing, i am only forced to say those things for survival. i dislike hiding. honestly. i dislike the superficial phoney game. i'd like to be really genuine and spontaneous and ME. but you have to help me. i need you to help me. please.

Composed @ 7:34 PM

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PORTFOLIO

AnNe

anne rice novels, sandman and the endless, fight club and tyler's philosophies, vampires, myths, witchcraft, churches, graveyards, baywalk, egypt and other ancient civilizations, photography, existentialism, abstract art, insomnia, aliens, lestat, vainglorious people, paranoia, conversations, sleepless nights, music, red horse, sleepovers, walkathon, gigs, stars, city lights, casper, dreams, emo tripping, misadventures, music, pinoy bands, singing, writing, rainy days, meeting strange people, foreign languages, depression, sunsets, life and death, atlantis, adolf hitler, full moon, insanity and schizophrenia, zombies, loners and posers like me, nostalgia, classic and silent movies, soul-searching, laugh trip, sound trip, food trip, humanity, my blog, god.

DREAMS

i am a materialistic person so my dreams involve material things:

sandman library

complete set of vampire chronicles

more books!

cds! cds! cds!

complete set of naruto series :p

ps2 games!
aside from material things..

i want to live in baguio

i want to earn money for myself

i want to help our country. haha.

i want to travel around the world
that's it for now! ciao!