music is the heartbeat of my soul

Compositions

9.18.2004

oo...alam ko...iba pa ang definition ko ni god... damn! dapat matagal ko nang nilampasan ang stage na ito pero eto...stuck pa din ako! hindi pa ko makapag let go sa fact na ginago ako ng religion na ito! haay...mahaba pa ang panahon...malalampasan ko din ito...pero sa ngayon...hayaan na muna, ilalabas ko muna LAHAT ng galit ko sa diyos na pinaniwalaan ko buong buhay ko...

Composed @ 11:51 PM

(0) comments

damn it! what the fuck is wrong with me?! i should have been over this stage a long time ago, and yet this vacuum is sucking me even deeper. i'm sinking into the depths of this abyss where no one would be able to hear my pathetic cries. i tell you, i am deathly afraid of the dark but somehow i should get used to it for i am sentenced to spend the rest of eternity with it. how i wish the earth would swallow me whole so that i would not experience pain when i die [god, i have an extremely low threshold for pain] but despite my fear of physical pain, i still wish to die. i simply cannot bear this misery any longer and i have no intention to share it with anyone at all. i do not want anyone to experience even half of it, for this weight can definitely drive a normal person mad. it has pushed me to the edge of my so-called sanity yet i still grip it tight, aware of the fact that letting it go will redeem my tormented soul. ironic. but this misery, this reason why i wish to die, is also the reason i continue to breathe.

[sigh] why does everyone hate me?! this is so pathetic for i am a self-proclaimed anti-social yet i still long for acceptance. ha! a big HA! what the hell is fucking wrong with me?! i am talking about nonsense again and again and again. god, why do you hate me??

Composed @ 11:19 PM

(1) comments

9.06.2004

oblivion? it can drive you to the edge of your sanity...believe me, it can. solitude? no one gives a damn about your hollow existence. no one hears your pathetic cries of agony...not even the creator bothers to listen. up to what extent must you suffer before you realize that life is really worth living?i despise everything. the society and its rigid, idiotic norms. religion and its unending teachings on morals and goodness. people and their ignorance of suffering. god and his refusal to see pain and sorrow. my quest for god and the meaning of life has caused me sudden emptiness. i was raised in a very religious family...and now, what? i am agnostic...in total confusion. living a life i never chose to have. you must be asking, 'why not commit suicide and leave this life you hate so much?' the answer is simple, i have no courage, i am afraid. laugh if you wish but i cannot risk the only life i have [no matter how pathetic it is] to search for the answers to all my problems.perhaps i am a living contradiction, forsaken by society. often misunderstood, often judged. it doesn't matter, let them say what they want...they too, must be bored with life so they put their frustrations on others [such as me]. but i am still human; i still cry, i still dream, i still laugh, i still long for happiness. ah. depression is taking over my sanity again, a sudden rush of coldness, creating a hollow pit...oblivion.how about you? do you understand what i am saying? do you feel what i am experiencing? i feel so light, i can feel my feet elevate from the ground...come, let's fly together.

Composed @ 7:48 PM

(1) comments

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PORTFOLIO

AnNe

anne rice novels, sandman and the endless, fight club and tyler's philosophies, vampires, myths, witchcraft, churches, graveyards, baywalk, egypt and other ancient civilizations, photography, existentialism, abstract art, insomnia, aliens, lestat, vainglorious people, paranoia, conversations, sleepless nights, music, red horse, sleepovers, walkathon, gigs, stars, city lights, casper, dreams, emo tripping, misadventures, music, pinoy bands, singing, writing, rainy days, meeting strange people, foreign languages, depression, sunsets, life and death, atlantis, adolf hitler, full moon, insanity and schizophrenia, zombies, loners and posers like me, nostalgia, classic and silent movies, soul-searching, laugh trip, sound trip, food trip, humanity, my blog, god.

DREAMS

i am a materialistic person so my dreams involve material things:

sandman library

complete set of vampire chronicles

more books!

cds! cds! cds!

complete set of naruto series :p

ps2 games!
aside from material things..

i want to live in baguio

i want to earn money for myself

i want to help our country. haha.

i want to travel around the world
that's it for now! ciao!