music is the heartbeat of my soul

Compositions

1.24.2005

i am shattered. and it is your laughter that killed me. i knew it. i shouldn't have revealed myself. i shouldn't have removed my mask. now what? i am dying of shame. you murdered me once again. i hate the sound of your laughter. it's driving me mad. aside from the fact that i AM already mad. it is intolerable. what a huge mistake. [and the background song is rivermaya's himala. how depressing. how beautiful.] anyway. i am sad. and i love the feeling. however, it is becoming unbearable. i am sinking in the ground. i am being forced inside my grave. someone pull me out. it's suffocating...WAIT~! it's actually better here. in the dark. in my grave. alone. no one can see me. no one can laugh at me. i am free. i am myself. so it all comes to this... death? ah! how many times have i met you sweet death? and yet i am frightened by your presence...but now i realized, you actually bring the greatest gift. freedom.

just when i thought i was ready to face the world...it mocked me. it laughed at me. it turned it's back and left me alone. fuck humanity! i deserve better than this. i'd rather bury myself rather than be considered as one of your species. how embarassing it is to be human.

Composed @ 10:44 PM

(2) comments

1.22.2005

naiinis na ako sa iyo

bakit mo ba ako ginaganito

ikaw ba ay naguguluhan sa 'king tunay na nararamdaman sa iyo

ano pa bang dapat na gawin pa

sa 'king pananamit at pananalita

upang iyong mapagbigyang pansin aking paghanga at pagtinginsa iyo

wag mo na sana akong pahirapan pa

kung ayaw mo sa 'kin ay sabihin mo na

wag mo na sana akong ipaasa sa wala

oo na mahal na kung mahal kita

ano pa bang dapat na gawin ko

upang malaman mo ang nadarama ko

upang iyong mapagbigyang pansin

aking paghanga at pagtingin sa iyo

oo na mahal na kung mahal kita

i finally found the lyrics of this song. it was stuck in my head for one week and i don't even know the lyrics except for the chorus. haha. anyway, i like the song. :)

Composed @ 6:09 PM

(2) comments

1.18.2005

...look at the stars then you're gone...i got this line from fight club. [haha! fight club again!] anyway, it might sound so simple...but come to think of it...when you look at the stars, don't you just feel like you're drawn to them. i don't know. i love looking at the stars. even if most of the time it makes me feel sad. even if most of the time it makes me feel alone. i guess the stars feel the same way. i mean. look at how vast the universe is. it is INFINITE as they say. and no matter how many stars are out there...they are still far away from each other. i sometimes wonder how they felt. just hanging there in the sky, twinkling with their bright colors, far away from each other...then after billions of years, they explode ALONE. how lonely their existence must have been and yet they glow each night as if they are really enjoying it. maybe this is why i find this sort of attraction towards them. maybe this is why i'm drawn to them. because we are both lonely and alone. and because we both know that we will never get out of this mess. the stars will always be beautiful for me, and it is their sadness that makes their beauty even more radiant. look at the stars then you're gone.

Composed @ 10:21 PM

(4) comments

1.09.2005

i just wanted to thank therese for introducing me to fight club. haha. now i know why you like it. it's inspiring. seriously. i have found another hero in tyler's character. :) i have found a new obssession. thanks again therese.

i realized that there's no point in complaining and whining and blaming other people for all the shit that happens in my life. i have to do something about it. maybe nobody really cares for me. maybe nobody really loves me. and so what? this is my life and i am taking hold of it in my own hands before i lose grip of it forever. it doesn't matter now that there's no one to blame. in the end, i realize that there's just me, myself and i. i have to learn to live alone. the first way to freedom is that you have to lose everything...there. now i am one step closer to freedom. i am one step closer to hitting bottom. i have this twisted system of beliefs but it serves me well. even if most of the time they contradict and leave me confused, they still serve me well. i also realized that i have wasted my life working hard to get things that i don't really want. i never really knew what i wanted in life. i thought i wanted wealth. i thought i wanted fame. i thought i wanted it all, but it's far too ambitious of me. i cannot have any of it, they're all lies. and besides they don't really mean anything for me now. what i wanted...is to have the world at my feet. now isn't that FAR MORE ambitious? bwahaha! i've been drowning in my well of tears for a long time...but now reality finally found me and slapped me hard that it made me realize it's about time to climb my way to the top...i am about to be part of the world again. but this time i won't let it hurt me. i am above and beyond. i don't feel...haha. or least i will pretend that i don't feel. that's better than letting the world know how vulnerable i am.

as for god. i haven't found him yet, i guess. and i'm not giving up until i get his attention. there is a possibility that god hates me, but that isn't the worst thing that could happen...getting god's attention for being bad is better than getting no attention at all. and unless we get god's attention, we have no hope of damnation or redemption.

...i know all this because tyler knows all this... bwahaha! [look at the stars and then you're gone]

Composed @ 1:44 AM

(3) comments

WELCOME

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PORTFOLIO

AnNe

anne rice novels, sandman and the endless, fight club and tyler's philosophies, vampires, myths, witchcraft, churches, graveyards, baywalk, egypt and other ancient civilizations, photography, existentialism, abstract art, insomnia, aliens, lestat, vainglorious people, paranoia, conversations, sleepless nights, music, red horse, sleepovers, walkathon, gigs, stars, city lights, casper, dreams, emo tripping, misadventures, music, pinoy bands, singing, writing, rainy days, meeting strange people, foreign languages, depression, sunsets, life and death, atlantis, adolf hitler, full moon, insanity and schizophrenia, zombies, loners and posers like me, nostalgia, classic and silent movies, soul-searching, laugh trip, sound trip, food trip, humanity, my blog, god.

DREAMS

i am a materialistic person so my dreams involve material things:

sandman library

complete set of vampire chronicles

more books!

cds! cds! cds!

complete set of naruto series :p

ps2 games!
aside from material things..

i want to live in baguio

i want to earn money for myself

i want to help our country. haha.

i want to travel around the world
that's it for now! ciao!