Compositions

9.18.2004

damn it! what the fuck is wrong with me?! i should have been over this stage a long time ago, and yet this vacuum is sucking me even deeper. i'm sinking into the depths of this abyss where no one would be able to hear my pathetic cries. i tell you, i am deathly afraid of the dark but somehow i should get used to it for i am sentenced to spend the rest of eternity with it. how i wish the earth would swallow me whole so that i would not experience pain when i die [god, i have an extremely low threshold for pain] but despite my fear of physical pain, i still wish to die. i simply cannot bear this misery any longer and i have no intention to share it with anyone at all. i do not want anyone to experience even half of it, for this weight can definitely drive a normal person mad. it has pushed me to the edge of my so-called sanity yet i still grip it tight, aware of the fact that letting it go will redeem my tormented soul. ironic. but this misery, this reason why i wish to die, is also the reason i continue to breathe.
[sigh] why does everyone hate me?! this is so pathetic for i am a self-proclaimed anti-social yet i still long for acceptance. ha! a big HA! what the hell is fucking wrong with me?! i am talking about nonsense again and again and again. god, why do you hate me??

Composed @ 11:19 PM

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