Compositions
2.27.2005
i can never be more than your puppet and clown, can i? do you even see me, or are you too preoccupied of playing king in your self-built kingdom? why are you so distant?
i keep on hurting myself just to see if you care. i keep on killing myself just to get your attention. i love you and my love is beyond infinity itself.
we will forever be trapped in this deception circus. truth does not exist here. love cannot exist here. only bitterness and lies. only pain and hatred.
you raised me from the dead just so you can kill me again. i thought we shared the same pipe dream of freedom. you blinded me with the illusion that i'm not alone.
...haha. i know. i'm not making any sense at all. i just need to let it all out...
Composed @ 6:21 PM
(2) comments
2.23.2005
Greyhoundz
i have lived my life inside a box with big blocks of rocks as walls covered with thorns
I hurt all the time cuz i keep on hitting them
no matter what i do, no matter where i go
i bleed cuz like the seeds, they sow and grow my wounds' just like the trees
and i'm scared! cuz i'm gonna get scarred again
this ain't gonna end, cuz i haven't found the cure,
i haven't found the medicine its just a motherfucking cycle
as to a wheel of a bicycle
where pain is recycled to another situation
another inevitable frustration. and you know what?
i only win by losing
giving in screaming, giving in crying
so i stay in the middle away from the needles
still the box gets smaller and smaller
now i can hardly breathe
can someone save me before i close my eyes?
before i go to sleep?
i'm mr. jack.
i'm pretty fucked up cuz im locked and i'm trapped in this little box with little cells
with ferris- wheels, coaster rides and carousels
im puny, im weak, i'm a freak
but i appear to be strong cuz like you, i also have horns
but do i look like a demon?
yes, cuz i am
But i scare the other demons and even my own reflection
cuz what i see in the mirror is the terror of living in the pleasure of tolerated errors
but i can't do anything im just a demon
in a flock of so-called angels that are pretending to be clean
angels, angels go away! come again another day.
your little demon wants to play
sometimes i get to think that i don't belong here
coz i deserve better than my pain and my fear, denials and pretensions, lies and accusations
but nah, i'm wrong
cuz this is my home where i've always wanted to be where i am
God damn! you gotta pay the price if you want freedom
i'm mr. jack
i'm pretty fucked up cuz im locked and i'm trapped in this little box with little cells
with ferris- wheels, coaster rides and carousels
i'm living in a world where's it fair to be unfair but unfair to be fair
angels, angels go away!
come again another day
your little demon wants to play
Composed @ 8:01 PM
(1) comments
2.21.2005
wow. i thought i would never pass this realm again, yet here i am drowning in despair and emptiness. i have finally decided to let go of my so-called masks. i do not care anymore. squeeze me, crush me, break me. do what you've always done to me. it won't matter anymore. you can't hurt me now. i won't let you. fuck you. you've caused too much damage. you've caused too much pain...haha. what never fails to amaze me is what it is you see when i take off my masks? what is it that makes you laugh at me...or curse me? do i represent your imperfections? or maybe i reflect everything you hate about yourselves? well i'm sorry. i never thought it was a crime to be born. believe me i never wished for this life. and i want it to end as much as you do.
the best option i have found to stop the pain is to pretend that i am a deaf-mute. in that way, i won't hear your maddenning laughter and you won't hear my pathetic cries. i will detach myself from his world. ..ha! as if it will make any significant difference.
in the end, i wanted to thank you for digging my grave....i''m so fucked up and ready to die. do me a favor will you? shoot me in the head and paint the wall with my brains.
Composed @ 8:33 PM
(1) comments
2.20.2005
i just realized that my recent posts seem to revolve around the same topics: rejection and falling OUT of love. what the hell?! mwahaha. what is wrong with me? i don't know either..maybe it's the "psychological" effect of talking to people who are in love [such as chuva]. mwahaha. it's such a CHEESY topic to focus on...so i'm breaking the habit of pondering and writing about those things.. give me something to focus on. give me something to think about.
oh, by the way...during our physics discussion last friday our teacher talked about black holes. [wow. for the first time i listened during or physics class...but believe me, i did not understand a single thing.] anyway. i became interested in black holes..and i started asking these questions to my seatmate [merly]: if black holes are sucking literally everything that crosses it's path, then is there a possiblity that at some point in time it will explode? i mean, it can't go on sucking everything forever, right? or maybe, there is a possibility that as it is sucking energy, it is also expanding? and if that is the case, then there will come a point in time that it will be as large as the milky way and might end up sucking us all? mwahaha...as soon as i got home, i researched about black holes and i proved that none of my "theories" were actually close to the truth. it was said in a certain website that black holes soon evaporate, though i still can't understand why. and i have no intention of researching about it. haha.
there. that's a VERY different topic...i found a new goal: i wanted to enter a black hole before i die.
Composed @ 8:03 PM
(3) comments
i first heard this song in rivermaya's live and acoustics featuring slapshock album so i thought it was either rivermaya's or slapshock's song...but when i searched for the lyrics i discovered that it was originally sung by coldplay. haha. i am aware that rico blanco idolizes coldplay and his version of the song isn't bad at all [i know i'm biased because i like rico blanco...mwahaha!] anyway. whichever version you prefer, the song is still beautiful.
Shiver
So I look in your direction, but you pay me no attention, do you.
I know you don't listen to me 'cause you say you see straight through me, do you.
On and on from the moment I wake.
To the moment I sleep, I'll be there by your side.
Just you try and stop me, I'll be waiting in line, just to see if you care.
Did you want me to change? Well I'll change for good.
And I want you to know. That you'll always get your way.
I wanted to say, Don't you Shiver? Shiver, Shiver
I'll always be waiting for you.
So you know how much I need you, but you never even see me, do you?
And this is my final chance of getting you.
On and on from the moment I wake....
Did you want me to change?...
Sing it loud and clear.
I'll always be waiting for you. (x3)
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you.
And it's you I see, but you don't see me.
And it's you I hear, so loud and clear.
I sing it loud and clear.
And I'll always be waiting for you.
So I look in your direction, but you pay me no attention,
And you know how much I need you, but you never even see me.
Composed @ 7:54 PM
(0) comments
2.16.2005
we cannot be together alive...
...we can be together in the underworld
cold, and pale, and immobile, but TOGETHER..
we will whisper in the shallow voices of the dead...
...together, we will wait in darkness
this is how much i need you. i am willing to spend eternity in hell just to be with you...now that you know it, why can't you even see me? i am dead but i still feel the pain... you wanted to die as well? you wanted to go to the sunless lands? say the word and i will follow you...
Composed @ 11:49 PM
(4) comments
2.14.2005
i got this song from the phantom of the opera [btw, it's a nice movie...you should watch it]...some people say this is the best break-up song...i think so too...but, what if you've never really been together and you still feel that that person left you? so sad...that's reality...haha...enough of the illusions...sabi nga ni aphro, masyado na daw distant yung reality ko...sobrang layo na talaga sa mundong ito...i guess it's about time i face this reality i've been trying to escape...ANYWAY, back to the song...it's depressing yet beautiful...
Think of Me
Andrew Lloyd Webber
Think of me,
Think of me fondly,
When we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while
Please promise me you'll try.
When you find that, once again,
You long to take your heart
Back and be free -
If you ever find a moment,
Spare a thought for me...
We never said our love was evergreen,
Or as unchanging as the sea
But if you can still remember,
Stop and think of me...
Think of all the things
We've shared and seen -
Don't think about the things
Which might have been...
Think of me,
Think of me waking, silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard
To put you from my mind.
Recall those days,
Look back on all those times,
Think of the things we'll never do -
There will never be a day,
When I won´t think of you...
Composed @ 6:15 PM
(2) comments
2.06.2005
see the world through the eyes of a child and you can pretend that it is beautiful
Composed @ 1:14 AM
(5) comments
