music is the heartbeat of my soul

Compositions

11.25.2006

why is it so hard to forget? to just forget the memories that torment you every single day. to forget the people that hurt you and killed you without knowing it. it's been eons and i should have let go and moved on. but i'm still stuck here holding on to something that never even existed in the first place. it would have been a lot easier if i just didn't meet you. i shouldn't have opened up and let you in...i should've just ran away. but it's too late for 'what ifs' now is it? i've already fallen. i already died. i stood up and walked away but i carried the pain with me. it just wouldn't leave. it's still killing me. remember silverchair's song? '...and i love the pain. a breeding ground for hate.' but i can't hate you, can i? it's not your fault, it's mine alone. i was too fucking scared to say anything at all. i fell and walked away and let you live your life. while i wallow alone in misery. i loved you. i love you still. i just hope i had the courage to say it.

Composed @ 8:11 PM

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wow. it's been eons since i last posted an entry here. hay. so where do i start? well, i'm finally back to school after five months or so of bumming around. and i'm glad that i finally have something to do to take my mind of other unimportant things that have been bothering me. i'm currently enrolled in dlsu. because i can't live without merks (yikee!). mwahahaha. anyway, new school means new people and i did meet some new friends...actually more of acquaintances. i seem to find it a lot harder to open up to people recently. i don't know, it's just that i can feel a huge gap between me and other people. or maybe i'm just too paranoid. i'd rather pretend to be someone i'm not than take off this facade and humiliate myself. pessimistic. too fucking pessimistic. and it's unfair to other people. it's just who i am.

anyway. what do i actually like about dlsu right now? my philo class. yep. that's about it, i think. i just love my prof. ms velasco. one of the best if not THE best prof that anyone can ever encounter. she made a very huge impact on my life, my beliefs, my truths. but don't get me wrong. she did not influence me or anything. she just made me realize a lot of things. like, i've been directing all my hatred towards an entity who may not even exist at all. and even if that entity did exist, directing my hatred towards it is such a waste of time. hatred is very toxic. it kills. anyway. i've been thinking about converting to zen buddhism. hay. that is when i finally get the courage to actually live my life. it's just so pathetic. i still haven't live at all.

by the way. i was with merkshack last saturday. although marge, marou and nene were not able to come :(. we were at metrowalk, camwhoring all night. hay. i love you guys. you never failed to make me happy even for just a while. i love the memories. i miss you a lot. you're my security blanket. i just feel so fucking alienated right now. like i don't belong anywhere at all. i want to see you again. :)

Composed @ 7:05 PM

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AnNe

anne rice novels, sandman and the endless, fight club and tyler's philosophies, vampires, myths, witchcraft, churches, graveyards, baywalk, egypt and other ancient civilizations, photography, existentialism, abstract art, insomnia, aliens, lestat, vainglorious people, paranoia, conversations, sleepless nights, music, red horse, sleepovers, walkathon, gigs, stars, city lights, casper, dreams, emo tripping, misadventures, music, pinoy bands, singing, writing, rainy days, meeting strange people, foreign languages, depression, sunsets, life and death, atlantis, adolf hitler, full moon, insanity and schizophrenia, zombies, loners and posers like me, nostalgia, classic and silent movies, soul-searching, laugh trip, sound trip, food trip, humanity, my blog, god.

DREAMS

i am a materialistic person so my dreams involve material things:

sandman library

complete set of vampire chronicles

more books!

cds! cds! cds!

complete set of naruto series :p

ps2 games!
aside from material things..

i want to live in baguio

i want to earn money for myself

i want to help our country. haha.

i want to travel around the world
that's it for now! ciao!